Funny old world: the week's offbeat news

From the film no one seems to want to see to some unholy theological speculation... Your weekly roundup of offbeat stories from around the world.

- Worth every cent -

The world's most exclusive club was born this week, and again we have the Trumps to thank for it. 

No, it's not Donald's "Board of Peace" -- which several dictators seem happy to stump up $1 billion to join -- but those who have paid to go and see Melania's new Amazon documentary.

With so few buying tickets, a former Amazon insider said it was effectively paying cinemas to show it so Jeff Bezos could curry favour with the White House.

With the trailer teasing "Everyone wants to know, so here it is..." Melanie revealed absolutely nothing about life with Donald. One telephone exchange, however, hinted at her unstinting support as he prepared to enter the White House for a second time.

"Hi Mr President, congratulations!" she told him after a speech.

"Did you watch it?"

"No, I did not. I'll see it on the news," the first lady deadpanned. 

And the bill for Bezos of such riveting revelations? $75 million.

- Dry dock -

Rum times for British sailors as the Royal Navy locks up the liquor cabinet. They will be required to go teetotal at least two days a week while at sea, a hard thing to swallow for crews that once got a daily rum ration.

Winston Churchill is reputed to have resumed navy life as "rum, buggery and the lash". Sprite, chastity and sobriety doesn't quite have the same ring about it.

- Istanbul, city of (cat) love -

Turks' love of cats is legendary, from the pampered pusses of the sultan's harem to the street cats that Istanbulites dote on. All that love now seems to have transcended one of nature's great divides -- between cat and rat -- sending a chill down the spine of city officials. 

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"Normally cats chase rats. But in Istanbul, you can see the rats eating the food alongside the cats," warned governor Davut Gul, who wants locals to stop feeding street cats, saying it is against nature.

But the city's legion of feline fans are having none of it, pointing out "the deep affection the Prophet Muhammad had for cats".

"Here people and cats live side by side, as equals," one outraged local told AFP.

- Fo shur, it's war by other memes -

Diplomacy's destiny to become part of the meme industry became ever more apparent this week after ones featuring Trump and France's Emmanuel Macron had social media in a spin.

A White House AI image of Trump walking off into the Greenland sunset with a penguin holding the American flag after his drubbing at Davos sparked much head slapping, as penguins rarely make it north of the Equator unless they are heading to a zoo.

Macron's mangling of "for sure" to "fo shur" in his Davos speech as he stood up to Trump wearing his now iconic sunglasses also went viral from India to Indiana.

Britain's Keir Starmer was soon trying to share the glory posing as his wingman in aviator shades in a TikTok post, with a mock "Top Gun" poster featuring himself and Macron dressed as fighter pilots.

The French leader -- who speaks excellent if accented English -- quickly shot back, "For sure." 

- Oh Lordy -

Colombia's President Gustavo Petro raised eyebrows in his deeply Christian country by suggesting that Jesus Christ was something of a lothario with an eye for the ladies.

Far from being chaste, Jesus had "made love... perhaps with Mary Magdalene", Petro declared, the "fallen woman" who became one of his disciples.

"A man like that could not exist without love," he added, saying Jesus "died surrounded by women who loved him, and there were many."

Colombia's evangelical churches were outraged, while the Catholic Church advised the outgoing leader to stick to politics and leave theology to the experts.

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